Holes in the Official Story About RMS Titanic

Using the time-tested 7 Steps to Building Your Own Conspiracy Theory, here’s an alternative explanation for the sinking of the Titanic.*

The RMS Titanic sank at 2 a.m. on April 15, 1912, after allegedly hitting an iceberg on 4/14. The governments of the United States and Great Britain have officially closed their investigations into the sinking of the Titanic, but many questions remain unanswered…

  1. Metal is harder than ice. Try hitting an ice cube with a hammer if you don’t believe me.
  2. The Titanic sank in 1912. The Federal Reserve Act was passed in 1913. Coincidence? I THINK NOT.
  3. Credible experts have shown that the angular cuts in the hull of the Titanic could only have come from THERMITE.
  4. If ice was stronger than metal, they would make boats out of it.
  5. The Titanic was supposed to be unsinkable — SO HOW DID IT SINK?
  6. Over 60% of the German gold was never recovered.
  7. According to Infowars.com, no Jews boarded the Titanic — were they tipped off by Mossad? Did President Taft and Israeli intelligence have foreknowledge?
  8. A bowl of ice will melt way faster than a bowl of metal at room temperature.
  9. Despite the fact she was the most advanced luxury cruise liner in the world, Titanic sailed on her maiden voywage with only half her capacity of 2,435 passengers. Coincidence?
  10. RMS Caronia, RMS Baltic, SS Amerika, and SS Californian all sent Titanic repeated warnings about icebergs in the area, but she continued on at FULL SPEED in the middle of the night.
  11. Only 20 lifeboats were available for over 2,000 people!
  12. Ice floats… so how did it supposedly break open Titanic’s steel hull UNDERWATER?
  13. The German ship SS Amerika, which was in the area of the Titanic‘s sinking, was later seized by the US Navy in World War I. COINCIDENCE?
  14. Standard procedure is to blow up icebergs, so why did Vice President James S. Sherman order the US Navy to “stand down” on 4/14?
  15. PrisonPlanet.com reports that Captain William Murdoch and First Mate Edward Smith were seen ALIVE, living in Malaysia in 1914.
  16. Eyewitnesses reported hearing loud explosions BEFORE the Titanic supposedly hit the iceberg.
  17. No video of the Titanic‘s sinking has ever been released to the public.
  18. The founder of the Federal Reserve System built the Titanic and canceled his trip at the last second, after inviting all the critics of a central bank on its first cruise… COINCIDENCE??!?!?!11!!!
  19. The iceberg has never been found.
  20. This picture:
  21. Leonardo DiCaprio drowns, even though that piece of wreckage was TOTALLY big enough for two people!


(Yes, it’s a joke. Please god, don’t take it seriously.)

*Maddox did it first, and better.