“This country is too polarized, and it’s your fault for being a murdering Commie terrorist.”

If there’s one lesson to be learned about polarization and heated rhetoric, it’s that the Other Guys are murdering Commie terrorists who want to bring down the government. On no account let Them win.


Jerry, Jerry, Jerry!

Yesterday, the great sage and eminent philosopher Jerry Springer compared the Tea Party to Osama bin Laden and various unnamed dictators, in an interview with Current TV’s Cenk Uygur, cable’s most fair and balanced source of mind-numbing liberal propaganda.

After playing a clip of Ted Cruz, a Republican candidate for Senate in Texas, listing government agencies he’d like to get rid of, ending with the IRS, the aghast Uygur exclaimed, “Jerry, if you eliminate the IRS we can’t collect any taxes, we can’t run the government at all! That’s anarchist!”

Agreeing that the United States had no government at all prior to 1913, Jerry summed up the grassroots movement by saying:

“Yes, that’s do away with the government of the United States. You know, you want to have a new conspiracy? These people that want to do away with our government — how is that different from all these dictators? Osama bin Laden wanted to do away with our government! What’s wrong with us?”

Yes, that’s right: al-Qaeda and the Iraqi Ba’ath Party are the Tea Party’s philosophical forerunners, because they “want to do away with our government.” What’s wrong with us, indeed. Cenk chimed in, further exposing the Communist roots of this conservative, terrorist, fascist conspiracy to abolish the government:

“By the way, the other guy who wanted to [do away with the government] was Karl Marx! He though the government should melt away. So, ironically, they’re very similar to Marxists.”

Professor Springer concurred. Explaining why the country is so fiercely partisan:

“The Republican Party has been taken over by fringe elements. …If you’re a Republican, you’re afraid to even have your picture taken with Obama and you can never talk with the other side. That is why we’ve become so polarized and why we get these loonies in office.”

Yes, we’re far too polarized as a nation. And it’s Their fault for being Marxist, terrorist, anarchist fanatics. Did we miss any really evil things we can ascribe to the Other Side? Oh yes, They are also responsible for the mass shooting in Colorado.

Don’t let Hitler-Satan win. Vote for the Good Guys.

Good thing the right would never sink to the gutter like that — for instance, accusing liberals of being responsible for the shooting at the Family Research Council in DC. And the left would never try to blame a Republican vice presidential candidate for the shooting of an Arizona congresswoman, while surely no nationally syndicated conservative talk show host would imply that President Obama was responsible for a disgruntled employee shooting his boss at the Empire State Building.

Either way, whichever side has racked up a bigger imaginary body count, one thing is absolutely crystal clear: our country faces unmitigated disaster if the Other Side wins. And considering that Those People are a bunch of trigger-happy, Commie terrorist-sympathizers, hell-bent on destroying the government, who could disagree?